Failed Mommy Moment
I went to the grocery store with my kids the other day. I get out of the truck, get a cart and proceed to put my kids in the cart. We are starting to make our way into the grocery store and I see this lady with her cart by her car taking her baby out of the car seat. I don't think anything of it and proceed into the grocery store. While in the produce section I'm getting fruits and vegetables and I'm in my head about what else I need to be getting before I move on to the next section of the store. Something tells me to turn around. I look and see the lady from the parking lot with her baby has laid her baby in the cart with nothing but a blanket on her. This baby is a new baby at that! My son is 3 months old and this baby looked like she was about a good month old. I just look and think to myself I can't believe she just has that baby in the cart like that. I don't say anything and proceed to the next section of the store.
I know some of you are saying, "So you just let her leave her baby in the cart like that?" YES!!! I did. Why? Because you can't tell anyone what to do with their child. The only way you can lend a suggestion is when they allow you to offer it to you.
While shopping I notice the lady again I continue to keep shopping. I check out, bag my groceries, and proceed to my truck. And when I make my way into the parking lot who do I see? The lady with baby still in the cart and an elderly man oohing and aahing over the baby. I proceed to my truck put my kids in the car and as soon as I put my baby in there car I hear the lady say, "Ooh you are a good one cause I can't do it." I turn and look at her and she proceed to keep talking stating that "the car seat is just too heavy for me to carry. I see other moms carrying their babies in their car seats and I feel like a bad mom for just putting her in the cart." I dropped my shoulders and let out a sigh because I just felt so bad for the fact that I was judging (which I tried so hard not to do) and the fact that she was comparing herself to other mothers by that instance alone she was a first time new mother and I responded "Carrying them around will build up your muscle." She said "Right" as she was walking back to her vehicle. I had never asked her why she couldn't carry the car seat I was so preoccupied with getting the kids in my car and the groceries.
I talked to my sister later that day and told her the story of my grocery story adventure. I finished the story with the answer I should have given the mother. I should have told her if the seat was too heavy then she could invest in a baby carrier where she could carry her baby and her hands would be free to get groceries and wouldn't have to worry about a heavy car seat to carry. Plus, let's not forget the benefits of keeping baby close to you and the comforts it brings for mom and baby.
Realizing that I had the answer the entire time and didn't tell that mother made me realize that I had failed her. It was a teachable moment that could have made her life easier and I had missed the opportunity. The problem is that it was in my spirit to help her and I chose not to acknowledge it and by choosing to keep looking away from her in the store.
I told the story to my husband later on and he gave me further clarification that I should have asked that mother about the car seat. He even stated that she could have had the wrong car seat. We almost ended up with the wrong car seat with my first son because it was one of those car seats that was supposed to stay in the car. Luckily for us we talked to a nurse from the hospital prior to delivering that let us know that that was the wrong car seat and we wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital without the proper one. But, not all hospitals insure the safety of the infants and their car seats once they leave the hospital I found that out with my second son when I had to go to a different hospital. So, I am very gratefully for the staff at the ABC unit and nurse Janet Erickson at Providence Hospital in Southfield, Michigan.
If I see that mother again I will give her a hug and tell he not to compare herself to other moms because at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and your child.
This video has been updated to include the video for your viewing pleasure
I know some of you are saying, "So you just let her leave her baby in the cart like that?" YES!!! I did. Why? Because you can't tell anyone what to do with their child. The only way you can lend a suggestion is when they allow you to offer it to you.
While shopping I notice the lady again I continue to keep shopping. I check out, bag my groceries, and proceed to my truck. And when I make my way into the parking lot who do I see? The lady with baby still in the cart and an elderly man oohing and aahing over the baby. I proceed to my truck put my kids in the car and as soon as I put my baby in there car I hear the lady say, "Ooh you are a good one cause I can't do it." I turn and look at her and she proceed to keep talking stating that "the car seat is just too heavy for me to carry. I see other moms carrying their babies in their car seats and I feel like a bad mom for just putting her in the cart." I dropped my shoulders and let out a sigh because I just felt so bad for the fact that I was judging (which I tried so hard not to do) and the fact that she was comparing herself to other mothers by that instance alone she was a first time new mother and I responded "Carrying them around will build up your muscle." She said "Right" as she was walking back to her vehicle. I had never asked her why she couldn't carry the car seat I was so preoccupied with getting the kids in my car and the groceries.
I talked to my sister later that day and told her the story of my grocery story adventure. I finished the story with the answer I should have given the mother. I should have told her if the seat was too heavy then she could invest in a baby carrier where she could carry her baby and her hands would be free to get groceries and wouldn't have to worry about a heavy car seat to carry. Plus, let's not forget the benefits of keeping baby close to you and the comforts it brings for mom and baby.
Realizing that I had the answer the entire time and didn't tell that mother made me realize that I had failed her. It was a teachable moment that could have made her life easier and I had missed the opportunity. The problem is that it was in my spirit to help her and I chose not to acknowledge it and by choosing to keep looking away from her in the store.
I told the story to my husband later on and he gave me further clarification that I should have asked that mother about the car seat. He even stated that she could have had the wrong car seat. We almost ended up with the wrong car seat with my first son because it was one of those car seats that was supposed to stay in the car. Luckily for us we talked to a nurse from the hospital prior to delivering that let us know that that was the wrong car seat and we wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital without the proper one. But, not all hospitals insure the safety of the infants and their car seats once they leave the hospital I found that out with my second son when I had to go to a different hospital. So, I am very gratefully for the staff at the ABC unit and nurse Janet Erickson at Providence Hospital in Southfield, Michigan.
If I see that mother again I will give her a hug and tell he not to compare herself to other moms because at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and your child.
This video has been updated to include the video for your viewing pleasure
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