Friendship

Friendship. This is a post I’ve been meaning to do for a while. I’ve been putting it off like a lot of things. But, recent events with “friends” is a sign that I should have done this post a long time ago but there is no time like the present. Friendships are relationships. We cultivate them and watch them grow and flourish or they can crash and burn. The definition friendship is “the state of being friends, the quality or state of being friendly” per Merriam-Webster or “the state of being a friend” per dictionary.com. Which brings up the term, friend, “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard, a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter” per dictionary.com or “one attached to another by affection or esteem” per Merriam-Webster. I added the terms because I don't think people really know or completely understands what it is to be a friend or maintain a friendship.

I had a “friend” send me a text message about an article stating how to be there for your friends and listed a caption under the article. It instantly annoyed me and I remember going to a friend and venting to him about it. And he stopped me and asked “Why are you holding on to that friendship?” and I answered "because I’ve know her since childhood." Then he asked, “Does she bring any value to your life?” And in that moment I didn’t have an answer. By, my silence and my facial expression, he responded “There’s your answer.” At that current point in time she didn’t bring any value to my life. I couldn’t accept the answer at the time so, I tried to justify the no with a but. He said “if you want to be bothered with it be bothered it and if you don’t don’t.”

In my mind, I just couldn’t keep losing friends. The realization is if I was losing them they weren’t really my friend to begin with. But, I realized that sometimes friends don’t have to be a lifetime but a season. People are put in your life at different times for whatever reason. Whether it’s for you to learn something or to make you a better person or to make you realize what you don’t want in a friend or the type of friend you may be being. And people are removed as well. There are some instances where your friendship is meant to last your lifetime and some that are not. And it’s ok.

When you can’t keep a “friend” sometimes you have to look within and do a self-check. For me, I’m too nice everyone takes my kindness for weakness. I make myself available for people that don’t make themselves available for me. I do from the heart. I want someone to be there for me in the event I ever need it. I don’t ever want to block my blessing because I said no. And that’s why I do what I do.

I remember telling my friend that I can’t keep a friend to save my life and that I will always be a better friend to them then they are to me. He told me, “Stop treating people how you would like to be treated.” I remember telling my husband the same thing and that I’m better off not having any friends at all. And he told me, "That he didn’t want me to feel like that." He says, "I have a big heart and the right friend is out there for me." But, he did highlight one of my best relationships that I do have and it’s the one with my cousin. He said that he’s never seen a relationship like ours. He told me where I think I need a friend I already have the best in her. My husband said that I’ve always had this innate ability to meet someone and in a matter of minutes know that we could be friends for forever. And sometimes for people it can come off strong and scare people off.

I had this discussion with another friend about the conversation with my friend and husband and she was saying that what I was doing was true. That I needed to stop treating people the way I wanted to be treated. But, I told her this you need to know what type of friend you have. I’m not going to constantly call a person that I know is not a phone person but would rather text. Then get mad at them for never answering my phone calls or even returning them. That friend I would always send a text message versus calling them on the phone.

I will say with me getting older and some dynamics of my life are changing so my friendships or relationship needs are changing as well. I’m not in my 20s anymore where I could be on the phone with a girl friend for hours on end like a teenager would because now I don’t have a parental unit telling me to get off the phone. Or talk to them every day or every other day. I’m now in my 30s married and have to 2 small children of my own. I don’t have time to be on the phone all day. I feel like the best way to reach me is through text messages, holding a phone conversation right now sometimes is just impossible.

"As a true friend you will not always get along and/or they will not agree with you 100% of the time but they will definitely keep your best interest at heart, love you, and support you no matter what."

I’ve just been feeling like lately that I can’t get the friendships/relationships I need because I’m holding on to the relationships that no longer serves me any purpose. I’m pretty sure if I let those go I’ll feel a lot better. It’s not like I haven’t had to let a friendship go before and I actually feel great that I don’t have that type of relationship in my life anymore. Like I actually feel better. Legit better that that person is not in my life!

I am now at a point in my life that I need to make some life decisions about the friendships/relationships that I have. I have to make up my mind if they are not adding to my life to keep or to move on. I need to have some conversations with a couple of people. I feel like right now is not the best time for me because I have so much that I’m doing with the lifestyle that I don’t need the drama or negativity. So, I decided just not to speak with them for now. But, I know at some point I’m going to have to the conversation. The older I get I value the quality of my relationships not the quantity. I value my privacy and my family. I know everyone cannot sit at my table. I know where I’m headed everyone can’t go and I’m ok with that because my path is my own.

Just because you have known that person forever doesn’t mean that they are not going to change. And sometimes that change isn’t always for the better. Or even treatment from a friend when you know you deserve better. But, it’s up to you to determine if you want to put up with it. It’s okay for a friendship to have an expiration date. I know that I am a good person and that I deserve better.

Until next time loves…