I Am Me. What's your Super Power?

Knowing your worth and or capabilities. Knowing that I am loving, happy, kind, and my compassion for people will not change with a strong work ethic is what is going to make me succeed in life. I was and still am working with individuals that wasn’t happy and they would be mean and treat me according to their mean ways. Pushing their unhappiness onto me. Pushing their unkindness on me. Pushing their uncompassionate ways on me. Evening pushing their fear upon me. And me not realizing it I accepted what they were giving me.

With that had me focusing on the what is wrong with me? Come to find out there is nothing wrong with me.

Being me is my super power. What’s yours? And being me, I know that I can’t go wrong. I even accepted the fear of losing my job and not being able to find another one. So, I put up with a lot of what they were giving me. Even when apply for jobs within the company and them telling me that I didn’t have the experience. I focused on the what was wrong with me? And the just give me a chance. But, now I’m realizing how do you accept me to gain the necessary experience you seek if I’m working at your company. You stated that you promote and like to grow from within but you’re faulting me because I work at your company. How does that make any sense?

As of recently, I have lost that fear of what if I lose my job tomorrow. Guess what it may have been a blessing in disguise and there is something better out there for me and my current position wasn’t the position for me. I will find another job that won’t be a problem I have the skill set necessary to acquire another position. It would be apparent that they were not giving me what I was giving them anyway.

Even was told that my body was a distraction at the work place and I couldn’t have a uniform fit me properly that was supplied by the company because I have hips, butt, and boobs. Way to mess with a young girls self esteem which put me back in the mindset of what’s wrong with me? 

All my life I have been treated as if there was something wrong with me. It just dawned on me recently that NEW FLASH there is NOTHING wrong with me! 

I was told I was selfish. Even when I would put everyone needs, wants, and feelings above myself. And I still do. Days I would give my last and would be broke only to be told that I'm not helping you out because I know you got some money. I was selfless not selfish. Still, to this day I put everyone elses needs, wants, and feelings above myself not as much but it's still pretty high that I do i.e. within reasoning and take care of myself last if at all.

I was always told that I couldn't do something. You can't sing, you can't act. To years later saying you know on second thought I could really see you doing that. Always told that I was too emotional. I cried too much. I needed to cry less. Oh the lonely nights I cried myself to sleep. Always told that I wanted to many hugs and kisses. And no one would want to put up with that. No one would listen to me when I would talk. I would constantly have to repeat myself. No one paid me any attention until I would blow up. At that point everything was lost in translation. Then they would brush me of with laughter like that's just her that's how she is. Still not listening to me. Katy ka boom they use to call me jokingly from the Animaniacs. I would like to point out it's still like that now work life included.

It was like everything I did wasn't good enough. Even now, it seemingly fits that nothing I do is good enough whether it may be from family, friends, or my husband. I believed that my family would love me and wouldn't steer me wrong. But, for my family to hurt me more than any random person off the street would. Because of that I deal with my family sparingly. 

I remember people, some family included, telling me I laughed too loud and smiled too much. Talked about my laugh as being annoying and too loud. So, I didn't really laugh at things after that. Now, I laugh. I laugh when shits funny. I've been told now that my laugh is infectious, it's distinct, and it can hurt your soul depending on the subject matter in which I am laughing at.

I admire my friends, what little I have and my cousin, and husband for their strength, courage, confidence, with their ability to speak their truths and stand it. And I would wonder why can't I be more like them. Only to realize that I am in fact stronger than them. For what I went through I was able to come out and still be able to smile. If it was to happen to anyone else it might have broke them. I do now feel the stings of life whether it may be past or present. I'm a little beating up and tired. But, I do however miss that happy, little girl that I use to know. I hope to see her soon. 

I felt like no one every understood me. I still feel like that now. But, news flash people there's nothing wrong with me. I am me. What's your super power?