My Hair Life and Journey

I started this post to tell you about my current hairstyle, my box braids. I am super happy with how they turned out! This is the first time I've done box braids and on myself to boot. I know some of you may read this like so and what's the big deal? Or I do that all the time lame! Well, for me it's a big deal. I come from a household where all I know how to do is a bun and a ponytail. Here's a little back story on why then maybe you'll understand.

My mom always did my hair up to a certain point in my life like I couldn't even wash my own hair. One time I had to take a bath and sneak and do it! You talking about a person so happy to wash their own hair! She use to wash, blow dry, clip ends, and braid our hair so we wouldn't have to go to the shop. (For all my non black readers the shop is a term we use for the beautician/hairdresser.) Plus, I don't think she could afford to send two girls to get their hair done. She use to go to the shop as a kid and hated it. She said that they would spend almost their entire Saturday in the shop.

Once, I reached my teenage years I wanted to try and learn how to do my own hair. I tried but the only thing my mom let me perfect was my bun. I couldn't stand in the mirror and practice doing my hair. If I couldn't stand in the mirror how was I going to know what I was doing or even if I was doing right? My mother thought if you stood in front of the mirror for long periods of time you were conceited. So, the only thing I could do with the time allotted in the mirror was a bun or ponytail.

One time in sociology class we had to do an experiment. We had to do something out of the norm and write down what happened when we did that but you could not tell anyone what you were doing. For mine I decided to stand in the mirror doing my hair longer than normal and fixing my clothes. My mom came and saw that I was in the mirror and what I was doing she told me to stop and get out of the mirror. I ignored her continued to fix my hair and clothes. She kept telling me to get out to the mirror until I finally did. I waited until after school to tell my mother about the experiment and she thought that I was lying.

A better part of my teenage years and my young adult life/college days were spent in a bun or a ponytail. Hell, I met my husband with a bun! The bun actual became one of my staple pieces when I was working at the credit union because my manager didn't like a ponytail. She claimed it wasn't professional enough to have a ponytail so the bun stuck. I didn't have the money to get my hair done being a full time college student and working part time there.

I didn't know adult bullying existed until I started working there. If I knew then what I know now things would have definitely would have been different. The bullying and torment was tolling but I thought I needed that job so I dealt with it. Well, she grew tired of my bun and threaten to fire me over it. She told me that I needed to get my hair done and to go to a shop and have it done every two weeks. She stated that it needed to be pressed and I needed to wear it down. It was a Friday when she told that because she wanted me to come in Monday with my hair done. So, to shut her up I went and got my hair done and returned to work Monday with braids! It bought me a good two months of not hearing her threaten me with firing me over my hair.

The clause that "allowed" her to do that which she clung to was that at the credit union it was business professional. You had to be and look professional at all times. So, no crazy hairstyles or hair color, no visible tattoos or excessive unnatural piercings meaning no tongue, no nose rings or facial piercings or extremely long nails. If you had a lot of piercings in your ears you could only put earrings in up to two holes and no big hooped earrings. Appearance was everything.

After the two months were up I needed to come up with something else I tried washing, blow drying, and pressing my hair that didn't work. I have a lot bounce to my hair naturally so when wearing it straight it would just puff and frizz especially if I did it myself. And still not being able to afford going to the shop I went back to my "safe" hair style the bun. I ended up doing one more set of braids after that because it allowed me the freedom to work, go to school, and do homework instead of wondering what my hair looked like or was doing when I wasn't paying attention to it.

I was finally going to give in to my boss and the need to go to a hairdresser because I was running out of options which meant a perm. I remember calling off work on Tuesday to take my braids down because my hair appointment was Thursday and my hair needed to be not to stressed from the pulling of the braids and of me with the comb and brush and styling. I didn't want my hair to fall out. So, I went to work Wednesday with my hair down with the natural curl the braids had given me. I was sent home from work stating that I needed to have something done with my hair. But, I needed to return back to work later that day because I needed to have my review done. I remember coming home crying to my boyfriend (now husband) about the whole situation. We scrambled to try and find someone to do my hair but I wasn't going to pay someone twice when I had a hair appointment the next day. I returned to work for the review with two french braids done by his cousin. I was told that I had abandon my job because I didn't get something done to my hair and come right back to work. I tried to explain how I tried to find someone to do my hair and couldn't get anyone to do it enough time. She didn't buy it and I was now facing termination. I ended up being saved by an assistant manager but it was made clear I couldn't have any more issues with my hair.

After that I a lot of perms and didn't really like it. Luckily, I got a new manager that made it a little easier with my hair. Eventually, I transferred branches and I tried sew in's and didn't necessarily like it because it looked to me that I was wearing a wig. It didn't feel natural or like me at all. I think that's why I like how far sew ins have come that it looks so natural it's coming right out of your head. Even still sometimes to me it feels like it looks like it doesn't look right on me.

It was even hard to find to try and do my hair understanding that I didn't have the money to come every two weeks and hoped they could show me how to maintain it during visits. Their advice to me was just to come to them every two weeks. I even had a stylist say that she never wanted my type of hair to a friend then had to correct herself. I had another one claim I allowed my hair to turn green after going blonde stating care I didn't take of my hair. When I would condition it, leave in condition it, oil my scalp. I finally found a hairdresser that understood my hair, my hair frustrations, and the financial situation. Arleen would show me what product to put in my hair to maintain the style and even showed me how to properly wrap my hair at night. I would go to my hairdresser for my regular maintenance and she tried to talk me into going natural. She said that I had a pretty texture of hair and said that I should try wearing it. I told her no she could just straighten it like normal. I gave it a little thought of what she was talking about with the curliness of my hair but never did anything about it.

I went back later for another appointment once again she stated that same thing again about wearing my hair natural. I was like ok finally I will try this natural that you speak of. I was a little apprehensive cause how do you care for "natural" hair? I had flat iron the front of my hair so much from sew in leave outs that my hair wouldn't curl properly. She showed me how to style it and what to do to take care of it. Then, I was nervous about wearing it in that state at work. I was greeted with some reaction positive and not so much. I had a coworker say "I thought you went to get your hair done?" I stated that I did. She said "Paid money for that?" The only thing that matter at this point was what my manager thought. If I had to change it I was ready. He saw it and in fact he loved it! He was the first manager that I had that accepted my hair for what it was natural in it's rawest form, curly! You talking about someone being happy! I could be happy with myself in this newfound complete skin that was me, curly.

I love that I found something that I could do that would make me happy and comfortable by not have to worry is my hair too big? or is it laying a certain way because every curl was exactly where it needed to be. I still love to switch my hair up and glad that I found a style I like in the process the way it grows out of my head. Sorry, I didn't to the review of my hair on this post I just have to do it for the next one.